Confident Sober Women

Rewire Your Brain: Practical and Therapeutic Tools For Calming Anxiety in Sobriety

• Shelby • Episode 212

Share episode

Why You're Always Anxious (And How To Regulate Your Nervous System) 

Welcome back to The Confident Sober Women Podcast! I’m your host, Shelby John, sober therapist, EMDR therapist, and fellow woman in recovery. In today’s solo episode, we’re diving into a topic that comes up constantly with my clients, friends, and even in my own life: nervous system regulation.

You might say, “Why am I always anxious?” or “Why do I feel overwhelmed when nothing’s even wrong?” If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. We’ll explore why your anxiety often seems to appear out of nowhere, what’s really happening in your body, and the powerful science-backed tools you can use to feel calm, clear, and in control—especially in sobriety.

Here’s what you’ll learn: 

✔️ What your nervous system actually does (think of it like your body’s operating system)
✔️ How trauma, stress, and addiction keep your system in fight-or-flight—even when you’re safe
✔️ Why nervous system regulation is crucial to sustainable sobriety
✔️ Three simple tools to use TODAY to reduce anxiety and regain calm:

  • The Physiological Sigh (a proven breath technique straight from neuroscience)
  • Orienting to Safety (a quick somatic practice to ground your body)
  • Name It to Tame It (a powerful brain hack to reduce emotional reactivity by 50%)

Plus, I share how EMDR therapy and remote neurofeedback go beyond talk therapy to retrain your brain and heal anxiety and trauma at the root. These tools are especially helpful for women who’ve been sober a year or more and are craving deeper healing and emotional freedom.

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling your day and finally feel peace in your body—this episode will show you exactly how to start.

🔗 Want to try remote neurofeedback from home?
Learn more about my program and see if it’s right for you at shelbyjohn.com
💥 It’s available to women worldwide—no license limitations!

✨ Share this with a sober sister who needs to hear it, and don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast so we can reach more incredible women just like you.

You are not alone. You are not broken. And you don’t have to stay stuck in anxiety. 💛

Support the show

Support the show

Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women podcast. I'm your guide, shelby John. I'm the mother of three, wife to one, and sober since July 1st 2002. As sober women, we have something huge in common, and when we share our lives and our stories with each other, we feel that sense of belonging and connection. So we know we are no longer alone. In this podcast, you will hear real life talk about building confidence and transforming your life beyond recovery. So come on, let's talk. Hey, it's me, shelby.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever wondered what's really happening in your brain during recovery? Are you ready to take control of your anxiety, sleep better and finally feel focused and confident? I want to introduce you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery Remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to think of this as a personal trainer for your brain. It's helping you build new neuropathways right from the comfort of your own home. So if you're dealing with anxiety that just won't quit, if you have ADHD that's making life chaotic, or sleep issues that leave you exhausted, neurofeedback could be your missing piece. It's science-backed brain training that works with your natural healing process, helping you regulate emotions and build lasting confidence. The best part is, you don't need to add another appointment to your busy schedule. My remote neurofeedback program brings professional guidance and support right to your living room. Do you want to learn more about neurofeedback therapy? You can go to my website, wwwshelbyjohncom to download my free guide. Is Neurofeedback Right for you? Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you deserve. That's wwwshelbyjohncom. Take the first step towards training your brain for lasting change.

Speaker 1:

Well, hey there, sober ladies, thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women podcast. I am Shelby John and, as always, I am honored to be here with you today to spend a few moments talking about your growth, your healing and your continued journey in sobriety. Today you just get me. I'm going to share a little bit about something that comes up very often, probably daily, in my conversations with clients in my private practice, as well as with friends, colleagues and in the world, because in my own personal experience, it seems that everybody is struggling with nervous system regulation. Usually, what people say when this is happening is that they have a lot of anxiety. You might be able to relate to this, because it is a topic that is ever prevalent in our world today. So if you've ever said you know, why am I so on edge, or why does my anxiety feel like it comes out of nowhere, or why can't I calm my own body down, then this episode is going to be for you. So I want you to hang in there, grab a notepad and a pen. There's going to be some really good practical tools, maybe a big glass of water to kind of help you work through as you listen to this.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about nervous system regulation. Well, what is the nervous system? It's truly like, I would say, like an operating system for your body, kind of like your computer has an operating system. Maybe you are an Apple person or a PC user. It has an operating system. So it's always scanning your environment to decide if you are safe or if there's any danger around. And remember, this is happening automatically, right under the surface, and it's happening all day long.

Speaker 1:

Your brain is consuming data from your environment and many of us, especially those who experience trauma, stress, addiction, any kind of long-term what we call dysregulation then our nervous system gets a little, I'd say, overprotective. It's kind of like we get stuck in a pattern of hypervigilance. Does this sound familiar to you. Maybe you can relate. You might also notice that you're always feeling rushed or overwhelmed that's a word I hear a lot If nothing is actually. Or overwhelmed that's a word I hear a lot If nothing is actually urgent around you, but you still feel this kind of overwhelming sense that you have things to do or that it's too much right. You feel like you kind of get snappy, maybe emotional, really out of nowhere. You might notice that you have trouble focusing or sleeping, or even just being present in the moment, like kind of doing whatever you're doing in that moment. All of these signs are things that let us know that your nervous system is dysregulated. But here's the good news you can change that and you can learn to regulate your nervous system and bring it back to a calm and grounded state. So, no worry, there is hope.

Speaker 1:

So why does this matter in our sobriety journey? Well, regulation is essential to sobriety. If you've been sober for any length of time now, you probably already realize this, even if you haven't been able to put words to it, because when we don't feel safe in our bodies, when we're stuck in anxiety or reactivity, it's really hard to stay connected, confident and clear right. We end up defaulting to our own old patterns or we feel like we're kind of white-knuckling our way through the day. But when we do learn to regulate our nervous system, we experience more peace and presence and empowerment. We make better decisions, we show up as the mom or the partner, friend or the leader that we want to be and we stop feeling like we're being run by our stress. Right, probably you can relate to this. There's times when you feel like kind of your stress or overwhelm is happening and you're just kind of living in it. Right, you're not in charge.

Speaker 1:

So there are some simple tools to regulate your nervous system that I really want to share with you that you can start to implement literally today. So let's get really practical here. There's three super effective tools you can start using right now to help regulate your nervous system and reduce anxiety. The first one is the physiological sigh. Yes, I said sigh like this comes straight from neuroscience. So this isn't just me making this stuff up, this is science. It's two inhales followed by a long exhale. So here's how to do it. So you're going to inhale through your nose. Let's, let's try it together Ready. Inhale through your nose, then take a short inhale at the top of that and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Did you get it? So inhale through your nose and then take another short inhale at the top and then exhale slowly through your mouth. You can do an audible exhale, a sigh, kind of out loud. If you've ever been in yoga class, you might have experienced this already. Really kind of lets that all go, and what this tells your brain is that hey, you're safe, it's okay to slow down. Oxygenating our brain literally is a strategy for calming our nervous system. So that is the physiological sigh. Remember how to do this. You're going to inhale through your nose, take a short inhale at the top and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Okay.

Speaker 1:

Number two is orienting to safety. This is, I think, a beautiful somatic practice. So take a moment, wherever you are, and just look around the room or, if you're in your car, look around you in your car, look, look around outside in your surrounding, wherever, wherever you are, and then name a few things you can see that bring you comfort. Maybe there's a plant, or the sunshine or blue sky. Maybe there's a cozy blanket or a picture or a specific chair or anything that makes you feel like your body is supported underneath of you or around you. It tells your nervous system, hey, I'm here, I'm grounded, I'm safe right now. So these orienting to safety techniques are just literally letting your nervous system, your operating system, know that you are grounded and that you are safe and that you're present in this moment. Okay, got it.

Speaker 1:

And then number three is name it to tame it. It's a catchy phrase, but when you feel a wave of anxiety or maybe irritation or overwhelm, try saying out loud or just quietly in your mind. If you're somewhere where you can't say out loud, I'm noticing, I'm feeling anxious right now or I feel tension in my chest You're basically just calling out what you're feeling and noticing in your body. The simple act of naming the feeling actually helps shift it from the reactive part of the brain to the frontal lobe, that cognitive thinking part, and that alone can reduce the intensity by up to 50%. Isn't that incredible, like it's amazing, what our brain is capable of doing by simply noticing what is happening in your body, using feeling words where possible and naming it. I can feel my stomach is getting a little tense or upset. I'm noticing that my heart is starting to race. Just begin to say those things out loud or quietly in your mind. You can even jot them down and really see how this helps to shift your brain from that reactive to a more responsive, calm place. Okay, you got these practical tools now in your toolbox, which is amazing to have, and you can carry these with you anytime, and they're also very private. So if you happen to be sitting in a meeting or in a family event or someplace where there are a lot of other people it's kind of a public space you can still jump into these tools and utilize them without anybody even knowing. Or you could easily slip into a bathroom or into your car and just sort of take these practical tools with you and jump right into them to calm your nervous system wherever you are.

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about deeper healing Now. There are two modalities I want to share with you. You've heard me mention them before and you may be familiar with them just from your own experience or from social media or the world. The first is EMDR therapy, and that stands for eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing, and the second is neurofeedback, which is a very similar neurologic modality, just done a little bit different. So for many women that I work with, especially those who are more than a year sober, these tools become very helpful because they want deeper, more lasting healing and they are kind of craving. They're really waking up, they're becoming aware of the opportunities to dig in a little more. Perhaps they've been utilizing a 12-step program and really working hard on their recovery and that's wonderful. And then they start to realize I want a little bit more. I want to start working on these negative beliefs that are really glaring and they're kind of shining a light in my life on a daily basis. So they start seeking things out like EMDR therapy and neurofeedback. So that's where these two things come in.

Speaker 1:

So if you've ever felt like talk therapy has helped but it hasn't really cleared the root of your anxiety or your trauma, emdr and remote neurofeedback can be a real game changer because it really helps to protect your healing process and process through the unresolved trauma in a safe and efficient and empowering way. And that's kind of all done without really reliving it all. And if you're more of a I want to do this at home kind of girl like I like to sit in my couch in my PJs then that remote neurofeedback option would be an incredible resource for you. Remote neurofeedback trains your brain for calm, focus and resilience. It's kind of like going to the gym, but it's for your nervous system. So we're building that resilience, building that brain muscle. You literally feel the difference, with less anxiety, better sleep and more emotional flexibility.

Speaker 1:

So if you're kind of picking up what I'm putting down here, this is speaking to you and you're curious about how it works. I would really love to share more. I offer a remote neurofeed feedback therapy program in my practice for people just like you, and what's great again is it's done right from the comfort of your own home. The other part that's amazing and why I wanted to add it, is it can be utilized and offered to people all over the world. We're not bound by licensure with remote neurofeedback like we are with things like EMDR or brain spotting or talk therapy. So if you live in Idaho or Canada, I can still talk to you and be the provider for you for remote neurofeedback, which is an incredible option, because there are other forms of therapy are limited to the states that we're licensed in. So if you do feel like you are ready for more, if you've been kind of on that edge where you're like, ah, there's something else that you know I'm doing great, I'm feeling really good, but there's just another thing left. Or maybe you're not doing good. You know you're, you're really are struggling, you're in. You know that kind of place where life is hard and you aren't sleeping well and you don't know where to go next. Either place EMDR therapy or remote nerve feedback would be a great way to help you make the shifts quickly and powerfully.

Speaker 1:

I also offer EMDR intensives, and powerfully. I also offer EMDR intensives and if you haven't heard about that, you can read more about all of these things on my website, shelbyjohncom. But EMDR therapy intensives are literally just multi-hour to multi-day EMDR therapy experiences where we come together for either three hours or six hours one day, two days, three days, and we do significant work on your healing using EMDR therapy. It's really nice because it eliminates the kind of time loss that comes with traditional week-to-week therapy. You know how we have like the opening time, we have a closing time. You know, by the time we kind of get over the pleasantries, we've, you know, used up some of that time and we're only left with, you know, maybe like 35 minutes to work, and that's great, you know, it's still. It's still wonderful, but sometimes it's really powerful and much faster when we can work in an intensive format.

Speaker 1:

Think of it kind of as like a therapy retreat Although I use that word and it's not necessarily relaxing. It's not like a vacation. At the end you'll feel better but it is emotional work, but it's the work that you would be doing in therapy anyway, without it dragging over many months. So if that feels like something you would like to do, definitely reach out. You can go to my website, shelbyjohncom, to learn more about all three of these modalities EMDR therapy, emdr intensives and then also remote nerve feedback and then you can even schedule a free consultation call with me. We can chat about your needs and what's going on going on with you and you know what would be the best fit. And if I can help in any way or even refer you to somebody who might be a better fit, I'm happy to do that.

Speaker 1:

So I want you to know you don't have to stay stuck in the cycles of stress or survival mode or overwhelm. You can feel calm, you can move through your day with clarity and confidence, and you don't have to wait for everything in your life to change in order to feel better. Why not start now? Your body already holds the keys to peace. You just have to learn how to access them. So I encourage you to pick one of these tools and try it today. Just set a little reminder on your phone to pause and breathe, go to my website and explore how we might work together. Either way, do something, make a commitment and stick with it for several days. Give yourself an opportunity to really stay committed to one of these tools, or multiple tools, and just notice how you feel after a period of time. We all know that tiny changes done consistently over time is what leads to dramatic transformation. You are worthy of healing and you're never, ever alone in this journey.

Speaker 1:

Thanks so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode was helpful for you, I would encourage you to take a moment and share it with a friend. Also, if you could leave a review and a rating. It only takes about 15 seconds. It really helps other women to find our space and to become part of our community. Thank you so much and I'll see you next time. Part of our community. Thank you so much and I'll see you next time. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Confident, sober Women. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit the subscribe button above so you won't miss any upcoming episodes. And hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review. You can learn more about the Sober Freedom Inner Circle membership at wwwshelbyjohncoachingcom. Forward slash inner circle. See you next time.