Confident Sober Women

Spirit-Led Recovery: Finding Freedom Through Faith

• Shelby • Episode 216

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Episode Highlights: Paula King, 67, shares her powerful transformation from a "take it or leave it" drinker to alcohol addiction in her mid-50s, and her ultimate freedom through faith-based recovery. After battling chronic insomnia for 8.5 years and following doctors' advice to drink wine as a sleep aid, Paula found herself addicted to alcohol—keeping a wine bottle by her bedside instead of sleeping pills.

Key Topics Discussed:

  • How chronic insomnia led to alcohol dependency
  • Why AA and traditional recovery programs didn't work for Paula
  • The role of trauma in addiction (Paula's father was murdered when she was 14)
  • Combining neuroscience with biblical principles for lasting sobriety
  • The Heart of Addiction Bible study by Mark Shaw
  • Overcoming shame around addiction in Christian communities
  • EMDR therapy and trauma healing
  • Neuroplasticity and brain recovery in sobriety
  • Daily spiritual practices for maintaining sobriety

Paula's Sobriety Tools:

  • Daily Bible study, prayer, and meditation
  • Journaling (she's kept journals since age 14)
  • Exercise and proper nutrition
  • Self-compassion and reparenting work
  • Serving others in recovery community

Near-Death Experience: Paula shares her harrowing story of nearly bleeding to death after mixing Jack Daniels with Ambien, emphasizing how addiction progressed despite life-threatening consequences.

Resources Mentioned:

  • Spirit-Led Sobriety book by Paula King
  • This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
  • Andrew Huberman Podcast Episode 86
  • Heart of Addiction Bible study
  • EMDR therapy
  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Connect with Paula:

  • Newsletter: spiritledsobriety.com
  • Instagram: @spiritledsobriety2
  • Facebook: Spirit-Led Sobriety (private group)
  • Email: spiritledsobriety@gmail.com

Episode Takeaways: Recovery isn't one-size-fits-all. Paula's journey shows that combining scientific understanding of addiction with spiritual transformation can create lasting change. Her story demonstrates the importance of not giving up on yourself, even after years of failed attempts.

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Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Speaker 1:

Well, hey there sober ladies. Thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women podcast. I am so excited today to share with you my conversation with Paulette Knegg. She is a retired, award-winning editor and author of the book Spirit-Led Sobriety. She is a breath of fresh air. You're going to love her energy. She's a wife and a mom and a grandmom to what she calls the world's best grandkids and she's living her best life in Texas. She shares very candidly about her experience with trauma it's pretty intense as well as her addiction history and then freedom from alcohol. And she talks a lot about her spiritual program and how God really removed the obsession and compulsion for her to want to drink and how she relies on that spiritual connection every single day to live her best life. We talk a little bit about some practical tools for getting in touch with some of that spiritual connection, but also in just maintaining our health, you know, learning to take care of ourselves, talking about reparenting things that we all really need to learn, especially when we are new in sobriety, but then even when we've been here for a while, kind of just continuing to refresh and grow and learn. So grab that big glass of water or your favorite mocktail, and enjoy this conversation with Paulette.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women podcast. I'm your guide, shelby John. I'm the mother of three, wife to one, and sober since July 1st 2002. As sober women, we have something huge in common, and when we share our lives and our stories with each other, we feel that sense of belonging and connection. So we know we are no longer alone.

Speaker 1:

In this podcast, you will hear real life talk about building confidence and transforming your life beyond recovery. So come on, let's talk. Hey, it's me, shelby. Have you ever wondered what's really happening in your brain during recovery? Are you ready to take control of your anxiety, sleep better and finally feel focused and confident? I want to introduce you to a game changer that's transforming women's recovery remote neurofeedback therapy. I want you to think of this as a personal trainer for your brain. It's helping you build new neuropathways right from the comfort of your own home. So if you're dealing with anxiety that just won't quit, if you have ADHD that's making life chaotic or sleep issues that leave you exhausted, neurofeedback could be your missing piece. It's science-backed brain training that works with your natural healing process, helping you regulate emotions and build lasting confidence. The best part is you don't need to add another appointment to your busy schedule. My remote neurofeedback program brings professional guidance and support right to your living room. Do you want to learn more about neurofeedback therapy?

Speaker 1:

You can go to my website wwwshelbyjohncom to download my free guide. Is Neurofeedback Right For you? Together, we'll create the calm, confident future you that you deserve. That's wwwshelbyjohncom. Take the first step towards training your brain for lasting change. Well, hey there, paulette, thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women podcast. I am so excited to hear your story and have my audience learn a little bit more about you, and we're going to have a great conversation. So I'm going to turn the mic over to you. You can share a little bit more about that story and then we're going to chat.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that sounds good. Thank you so much for having me. So my name is Paula King. I am almost 67 years old and for most of my life I was a take it or leave it drinker. And it was in my mid 50s when I suddenly found myself addicted to alcohol. And you've questioned suddenly, but in my case I had chronic insomnia for eight and a half years and I saw a team of three doctors for a year and a half. I was always told you know, have a drink, it'll help you relax and fall asleep. So, because I didn't have a drinking problem at the time, that's what I did, and you know what it sure did help me relax and help me fall asleep. And before long I had a bottle of wine by my bedside rather than a sleeping aid. The wine was my sleep aid.

Speaker 2:

And I suddenly became addicted and it really scared me because I had never had this problem before and I had tried tried AA, and I know AA is a very well thought, you know program. It's really helped a lot of people, but for me it actually caused more harm than good. I tried to celebrate recovery. I tried lots of different online programs and I can only say it was a nightmare when I discovered the science behind alcohol through a lot of reading and research and listening to podcasts. When I learned how science, how alcohol affects the body and the brain, it's like no wonder people become addicted. It's only doing what it's supposed to do and it was one of the hardest thing I've ever done was to overcome alcohol.

Speaker 2:

And I'm a very spiritual person and sadly, the last place I went to should have been the first place I went to, which was my church. But how often does the pastor talk about addiction? Like hardly ever. There's so much shame around that. But it took.

Speaker 2:

After about 10 years of trying all kinds of therapy I tried everything I finally called the pastor at my church and told him what was going on and he immediately said immediately, paulette, I've been clean and sober for 20 years, and I mean just the shame. So he put me in touch with the biblical counselor, you know. So he put me in touch with a biblical counselor and we worked together for a year and a half on a Bible study called the Heart of Addiction by Mark Shaw, and the premise of that book is you transform and renew your mind from the inside out. That's what the Bible says to do. Well, neuroplasticity is the science part right where you change your thoughts, your, your brain, literally rewires itself. So when I learned how the brain works and how the bible, you know, transform and renew your mind, well, that is, that's science's answer to neuroplasticity. So when those two came together for me, that's what broke me free, and I have not had a drink since around midnight, december 30th 2022.

Speaker 1:

Wow. So thank you so much for sharing all that and being so vulnerable. That is truly you know, as we know, how it works, right. So I was curious if you could just say a little bit more, as we're kind of getting into this, like how did that work for you? Like you said, you haven't had a drink since, so like what was it? You know, I know it's a process, but what was the, the catalyst? I guess if you could really put your finger on it for kind of giving you that freedom from alcohol.

Speaker 2:

I have this the part of me that loves God and the part of me that asks a lot of questions. He gave me an inquisitive mind. I'm a retired editor by trade. I asked a lots of questions. I need to understand why things are the way they are. I just do, that's just me, and so I learned all that I needed to learn about how alcohol affects the brain and body.

Speaker 2:

That answered, that satisfied the knowledge side of me, the intellectual side of me, because I am a Christian and addiction is not talked about from the pulpit. I didn't think I could talk to anybody and you know, I just I was at the end of my rope and I, like I said, I confessed to the pastor what was going on and when I read, when I worked through that Bible study and it taught me how God looks at alcohol, how God looks at alcohol as addiction, it's really not addiction from God's point of view, it's sin, the sin of idolatry. You're going to alcohol instead of God to meet your needs as a Christian. It broke my heart that that's what I was doing, cause I can't argue. That is what I was doing.

Speaker 2:

You know and I know not everybody has the same beliefs as I do and that's okay. I'm just, this is my truth and my experience, but it just it cracked the code in my brain. And, incidentally, when I started doing that and then I went to those three doctors for a year and a half, I saw my primary care doctor, a board certified sleep specialist, and a cognitive behavior therapist that specializes in insomnia. For a year and a half these three doctors worked together as a tag team and, like cracked the code of my brain. And the more I quit, the longer I stayed away from alcohol, obviously, the more your brain is going to regenerate and get new cells and you're just going to think more clearly. You're going to. I ended up sleeping so much better. If you don't sleep well, you don't make good decisions. You've got to be able to sleep.

Speaker 1:

That's so true. I mean, sleep deprivation is really dangerous. Honestly. They've done lots of research and studies on that, but it can create, it just can make you feel literally crazy, you know if it goes on for too long.

Speaker 1:

So you're right. And also that is the time, excuse me, we know from science where the brain is kind of doing that regenerative work it's healing, you know, in our sleep is when it's getting that kind of regrowth that kind of regrowth and but you know, I also, I like I said I I fought this for almost 10 years and I did.

Speaker 2:

I listened to a lot of podcasts. I learned about different types of therapy EMDR therapy was really helpful to me. Of course. Therapy, cognitive behavior therapy. I come from a really trauma-based childhood. My first exposure to alcohol was when my drunk uncle shot and killed my dad in cold blood when I was 14 years old and my sister came in from out of town to pick me up and she gave me Jack Daniels straight to calm me down, because you know what, that's all she knew to do. And my mom, you know she had a lot of drinking problems and when you grow up with that, that's just what you're modeled. I wasn't modeled coping skills, I did. I had to learn how to parent myself, basically.

Speaker 1:

Right. I mean that's a lot of the work that we do in in therapy. Right Is to re is to. I help people all the time and learn how to reparent themselves. You know, yes, I do EMDR therapy and we work on the trauma. We heal the brain at the molecular level from those traumas.

Speaker 1:

But then we also use good cognitive behavioral skills and insight work to help people reparent themselves, to give those parts of ourselves that didn't get what they needed when they were younger, what they need today, and and kind of teaching them how to do that, and that's really helpful. Um, so thank you for sharing a little bit more about your history. I think that's really important for people to know too, because we know from the research too that addiction doesn't just come from nowhere.

Speaker 1:

You know it comes from trauma and and we all have this right If you've been a human on the earth for any length of time, you have trauma and it's different for all of us. You know it's either a capital T trauma or you know the big sort of things everybody thinks about but we all have the lowercase T traumas.

Speaker 1:

You know, sometimes it's just things like words people have said, or witnessing certain things or living in certain kinds of environments, so it's not always the dramatic kinds that leave a big stain on our brain. But even the lowercase T traumas can lead to those negative beliefs about ourself and then create um neuropathways and um issues related to dopamine and serotonin that want us to utilize things like yeah, and you know I was really, I was really good at uh, giving trauma to myself.

Speaker 2:

You know I almost died, uh, through a horrible accident at our lake house by myself. I drank. I drank Jack Daniels straight. I thought at five in the afternoon it'd be nice time to have a have a drink, reading my Kindle, looking at the lake. Well then I got tired and took an Ambien and you don't mix Jack Daniel and Ambien and I nearly bled to death. It was awful. I I am a true miracle, according to the doctor. And yeah, you would think that experience would have led me to quit like the next day, but sadly it was. It took a few more years.

Speaker 2:

But you know, to anybody that's listening, that is not yet a confident, sober woman that needs help. I just encourage you to not give up on yourself. If you give up on yourself, well then you're not going to make it. You know I have one of my older sisters fell. She drank too much Three years ago. She drank too much, fell, hit her head and bled to death. My other sisters found her body. Like you don't want that to happen. So no matter what you're going through, keep going through it. You will get there you will find.

Speaker 1:

Whatever the matching click thing is for you, it will happen, but you've got to keep going you know, holly Whitaker is the one that comes to my mind right now and plenty of others who have, you know, written whole books on on all kinds of stuff about their story, plus addiction and and shared how there was like that kind of push, pull right. You know they would start something maybe like, okay, well, now I'm going to try to start doing yoga, okay, see if that helps, and like they would get a little bit better or whatever for a little while, but then it didn't really stop the drinking, but like it helped them get a little better, and then they'd try to start doing something else. You know a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and so you know, um, not everybody's a first nighter, you know, and, like you mentioned, some people go to 12 step programs. That's how I got sober, cause that's the only thing we had and, um, it worked for me and I think it's great.

Speaker 1:

But then you do need to layer on a lot of other things. Some people use church, some people use, um, you know, other therapists or coaches, things like that, and and that's wonderful, it's, but just keep going right, you know, yeah, yeah, because and that's why we share our stories and it's one of the reasons why I do this podcast is a to help people grow in their emotional sobriety, for sure, but also just show people that there's always hope. There is hope on the other side of this life.

Speaker 2:

And it's so worth it.

Speaker 1:

It's so worth it. You know that pain and awfulness, that we live in an active addiction is so tumultuous and yucky and create so much wreckage and destroys families, but there's so much hope.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

On the other side.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, about a year and a half ago I was met with an unexpected health diagnosis and it's like, hmm, what's up with this? And I'm dealing with it. I'm just so grateful that I'm not drinking, Because if I had not been able to successfully put it down and keep it down, I may not be alive today. Between what's going on with my health and then drinking, so the fact that I'm able to overcome alcohol for good, I feel like Shelby I can do, I can, I can, I can do anything I really can. That was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Speaker 1:

I say that too. I always say that too. And so in a society that worships alcohol, you know, a society that where you can't even go to like a first birthday party. Kids sporting event you know, alcohol and it's everywhere, it's all the time, it's all, and it's the only drug that anybody's ever like. Why are thing that you do? You know people do are like why are? Why don't you do that?

Speaker 2:

you know yeah yeah, but also I don't know about you. But you know, yes, I'm a christian and that's wonderful, but I'm also kind of a rebel. Like don't tell me what to do. Like, why aren't you drinking? Because I don't want to? Like, why aren't you drinking because I don't want to? Right, yeah, like, what's the problem? Like because I don't want to, why are you? Why are you drinking, you know?

Speaker 1:

so I, I'm kind of a badass a little bit yeah, and I think that we get to be like that once we've established our own um security.

Speaker 2:

I think yeah confidence in sobriety.

Speaker 1:

That's one of the things that doing the quote unquote the work of emotional sobriety allows us to build that confidence and comfortability in our own skin so that we can start to deal with like show up in places and spaces and deal with things like people asking us that or, you know, just become really comfortable drinking your club soda with lime or water right.

Speaker 2:

Right, not being cocky about it, but just what's the problem with me not drinking like right? Get over it I do. You think.

Speaker 1:

Try it sometime the shift is happening, which is really nice. The younger folks, the next generations, they're not really drinking anymore as much and I I love that for health reasons. And so there's this explosion of the in the non-alcoholic, and I love that for health reasons. And so there's this explosion of the in the non-alcoholic industry and I love that. You know you're seeing mocktails all over the place and people really understanding the health benefits of of not drinking, because alcohol really is a poison. We've known that for years. No amount of alcohol is safe to use. The world health organization tells us that. So like there's.

Speaker 1:

There's plenty of evidence and science that says no one should consume any alcohol. Yet we still worship it here and flavor it up and color it and make it all kinds of special things so that we can consume it, and quantities that are just, you know, obsessed.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think. I think the biggest thing is that people are just becoming more educated, yes, the more people that quit drinking and speak out about it freely and without shame. And on my Instagram, a week or two ago, I had taken a picture while I was filling up my gas tank at the gas station. I took a picture of the sticker you know may contain 10 percent ethanol and I put on the Instagram. Do you realize? Any amount of alcohol you drink has the same chemical compound that you're putting in your gas tank. If you don't believe me, Google. People don't understand. If they don't know, they don't know.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's why we have these conversations, you know, it's just to continue to educate and to bring to light some and then some parts of sobriety, because just because we're sober doesn't mean we're well. So you can stop drinking, you can put the bottles down, but if you don't change everything, if you don't really take a look at all these parts of yourself, if you don't do the work to heal, you're just going to be, you know, kind of an angry, resentful, dry drunk and that's kind of worse. So that's why we do this. So I'm curious, as you were doing some of that work for yourself with, like, your CBT and neurobiology and all kinds of all the things that you were doing to be well, what were some of the things that stood out to you as being like, really impactful, like what were some of the learned um that we could share today with everybody?

Speaker 1:

else, that maybe even they could start doing today well um the therapy the different types of therapy really helped me by going.

Speaker 2:

I'm a writer by trade. I have journals like this is a journal from 2014 to 16. I have journals from back when I was 14 years old, from the night my dad was murdered through present day, and so journaling is something that really helped me. I can go back and look at what I've been through and what I wrote as a 14 year old, 18 year old, 22 year old. When I look at what I wrote as a 14-year-old, 18-year-old, 22-year-old, when I look at what I've been through, I have compassion for myself. You know we're doing the best we can with the tools we have. At the time, learning to forgive myself and forgive others has been really key and forgive others has been really key. Learning again about alcohol how, how it affects the brain and body it it literally changes your brain and it kills a lot of your brain cells. You're not going to make good decisions. You know I took a lot of online programs. I'm sure you've heard of Annie Grace. This naked mind, andrew Uberman is a newer neuroscientist Uberman podcast. I'm sure you've heard of Annie Grace. This Naked Mind, andrew Uberman is a neuroscientist. Uberman Podcast, number 86. That was very helpful, but really the therapy.

Speaker 2:

Going through my journals, I was trying to use one of those apps that counts the days, but that was very unhelpful to me because I'm very much a type A person I want to be. I want to do it perfectly every day and when I had a slip up, having to go back to day one, just the shame and embarrassment that I couldn't do. When I think of everything I've been through and that I couldn't do this one thing I couldn't do. When I think of everything I've been through and that I couldn't do this one thing, I couldn't. It's like what is wrong with you. You've done this, you've done this, you've done this. You, why can't you do this one thing? Right, you know, and it just it actually made me want to drink more having to go back to that. So I quit the counting, I quit doing what didn't work for me, and that's that's another important thing about perseverance.

Speaker 2:

The more things you try, you will learn this doesn't work. This is not helpful, this is better, and you just keep going and going to what's better and sooner or later it will stick. Something. Whatever you need will stick for you and it will be so wonderful every day. You'll just be. I don't ever want to drink again. I like for real. Why would no?

Speaker 1:

yeah, I think that those um, those thought pattern changes are so profound. You know, I, you and I have been sober and living long enough to probably experience many of them. But when you're kind of in the mess, when you're in the mess and you're sitting there, you're just feeling hopeless and you're trying to figure out. And even if you are sober you say you're sober but there's a lot of change that has to happen your life just doesn't magically get better the minute you put down the bottle, you're still left with yourself, you know, and all the mess, and so now we're putting into place.

Speaker 1:

you know like, okay, yes, we need to do our trauma therapy. That's wonderful. But in our regular life, you know, like, how do we get through the day, how do we get through our workday, how do we? Get our children. You know those thought patterns have to be attacked right and really really addressed through things like CBT and journaling and other skills.

Speaker 2:

Right. Well, and like the Bible study class that I took, the Heart of Addiction is the book and then he has an accompanying workbook. Working with a biblical counselor, with those resources for a year and a half, that really helped me with my faith. And I started exercising, you know. I started drinking more water, I started making better food choices, just it truly was like I was raising myself again. I was my own mother, if that makes any sense.

Speaker 2:

One of the therapists that I saw, she recommended that I find a picture of myself as a child and frame it and put it on my desk. And when something, when life happened, you know, unexpected things happened. That medical diagnosis happened with me a year and a half ago. Instead of freaking out you know I would I looked at that little picture of me right here, you know, and I'm like you know what. You've been through a lot. I'm here, we're going to get through this, it's going to be okay. And I learned to trust myself again. I learned to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel ashamed, not feel embarrassed, not have fear. What did I say? Do right the night before. None of that. You can't put a price tag. That is freedom, shelby, that is freedom. There's nothing like it.

Speaker 1:

There is nothing like it. You're so right and what you just described is kind of how I share about it too, and what I help people do and what I've seen people do, which is really just, you know, change everything, right. You just relearn. We kind of grow up again, right, because a lot of us you know, most people I know or talk to you know they started using substances pretty early in life, you know so maybe when you're early teens, you know, or the middle teens or something, or wherever you were, like it kind of stunts your growth, right.

Speaker 1:

So then you're stuck in like an emotionally at that sort of age that you yeah, yeah, that's been proven.

Speaker 1:

When you look at that and I have three young people in my home. They're young adults, and so I know what that looks like and I'm like, oh, wow, like you can kind of see now, if you're acting like, you know, a 15 year old or 13 year old, but you're really 35. It's, it doesn't match, you know but. But when you're in active addiction, you're so self centered and selfish and focused on you know, it's it doesn't match, you know but, but when you're in active addiction, you're so self-centered and selfish and focused on you know where's my next drink coming from? And we don't know that at the time. You know, right, but then you know, um, we come out of that and we have to learn how to take care of ourselves properly Because, like you said, if you weren't parented that way, if you weren't taught't taught you know how to eat three meals a day and how to, you know, wash your face and or or even yeah, or even be allowed to express your feelings good, bad or ugly.

Speaker 2:

I mean in my house. You did not talk. You did not talk. We didn't even talk. My siblings and I didn't even talk about what we were seeing. We, we saw and heard things.

Speaker 1:

No, child right no child should ever have to see in here and so when you grow up like that and no one's like you don't even use feeling words. So then adults who don't know even what a feeling word even is, like sadness or happy or star anger they only know what it looks like. You know, but they, and so that's you have to relearn that, and that's what great therapy does is help you put identification on, like what feeling words are and then how you're experiencing them, and then, when you experiencing it, starting to name it and be like, ooh, that's that sounds like you're angry and that might be the first time somebody has ever really made that connection. You know, cause they, they all, they know is just explosion, you know, understand, like, oh, when this thing happened, happens I get angry, you know.

Speaker 2:

So really, starting to learn and it's okay.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean well, the feelings are okay, our reactions, we are responsible for those.

Speaker 2:

Right, right.

Speaker 1:

And so we do need to be mindful about learning how to change those and become much more responsive, and that's a big part of the emotional sobriety work too. But you know starting to understand those feelings. But, like you mentioned just, you know feeding yourself properly, starting to move your body, understanding that exercise is a big part of this. You know sleeping properly.

Speaker 2:

Prayer, meditation, journaling, talking with others others you know, either in person or online.

Speaker 1:

Online communities just support I know we have so much access now, but then we did like when I got sober a long time ago and there's, so there's like no excuse now for not being a part of groups because they're, you know, accessible to us right online or or in person or through books, and it's we just have a lot of access to things. It's amazing, yeah, spiritual component were you always a spiritual person, like? Were you raised with a sense of a God or a Christian belief, or no?

Speaker 2:

Well, I was raised in a certain denomination. That in a certain denomination that I mean, I'm grateful. I was raised with some sense of God, but I was not taught that God loved me. I was not taught to read the Bible, it was more stand up, sit down, say this, say that and do not ask questions. Well, know so that.

Speaker 2:

To answer your question, no, um, in fact, when my dad was murdered, I I quit going to church for many, many, many years because I just couldn't under. You know if this is because the people at the church, at the service, were saying, oh, god needed your daddy more than you do. And so, at 14, it was so traumatic, it was horrible, it was horrible. But no, no, I became a Christian in my early 30s and I've been an active, practicing, serving Christian since that time and have been through. God has been. God is very real to me. I don't know about anybody else, but I know him and he knows me. He's been with me through so many things and all the more reason I felt so bad when I started realizing I was turning to alcohol instead of him. You know, an idol is anything or anyone you put before God, according to the Bible and because I believe in the Bible. That's what the Bible says, that's what I was doing and that broke my heart.

Speaker 1:

And so yeah, Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think, when and if you do, if spirituality and religion are not the same things, and I think people get confused about that sometimes in certain republic, um in um, you know certain recovery yeah, I'm in a non-denominational church, a tiny little church yeah, we have to be cautious about the language we use because, um, I mean, many people are extremely spiritual but, um, maybe they don't don't identify with like a christian god or biblical god, and that's okay, you know like but they have a connection to something outside of themselves we talk like that, it's like the same things.

Speaker 1:

But when you do start to spend time getting to know your higher power, whatever that is, and really learning that and like nurturing that relationship, I personally believe and I think the Bible really shares about this in relation to the Holy Spirit that it is revealed to us, like things are revealed to us that we need to know.

Speaker 1:

When we are stuck in our own self, when we are in active addiction or struggling with a lot of patterns, it's very difficult to to hear that or see it or receive it. It's happening but we don't, we're not open to it because we don't. Sometimes we don't want to. We're like you know what? I know I'm supposed to be doing this, this thing, but I don't really want to. So I'm just going to like pretend I don't know. But when we kind of open our eyes and our ears to that whisper of the Holy Spirit, it is such a magical experience Because then you'll start to get things like you know intuition, or like feelings you know about certain people or things in your life. Because that's like I feel God really revealing to you, like maybe you should check in on this thing you're doing.

Speaker 2:

Well, right, I mean, think about it. He made you, he, he made me. He knows exactly what I'm capable of. He, he has been with me since before I was even born. He knew me in my mother's womb. He knows everything I've been through. So I really think, shelby, it took so long for me almost 10 years because I had to learn. It's terrible, but I had to learn. The intellectual side had to be satisfied for me first. That's how far away from him I had gotten. Alcohol clouded me so much. He knew everything that I went through. All the things I tried got me to the point where, when I came across that Bible study and worked with that lady, I was ready to hear the truth about addiction. Addiction is the world's word word.

Speaker 1:

It's really the sin of idolatry, according to the bible and um I've actually never heard it put that way before and um, I, I get it. I I see what you're saying and you know um sometimes people have such it hurts sometimes people have such histories with with church, with the church or with certain people or families that are really not what God intended right. So there's a lot of things that are spiritual trauma.

Speaker 2:

And.

Speaker 1:

I always feel sad when I see that, like in my room as a therapist or in my friendships, because that's definitely not the God I know, like that's not the way that's people treating other people the way they think that they're supposed to and they say it's according to God's will, or, but it's not. It's often not so, unfortunately, so many of us get, you know, get damaged, you know a lot of repair work on finding that connection outside of ourselves with something that is a loving yeah, it was.

Speaker 2:

It was such a gift when the pastor immediately shit Paulette, I've been clean and sober. For that was the very first thing he said. Not even I'm sorry, I need. I mean just, I see God, he loves me. He knew I needed to. I have been carrying shame all of my life, you know, and it was, it was just awesome. It was awesome and I was going to say something but I forgot what it was. So I hope it comes back.

Speaker 1:

But so what do you think are your biggest tools now? Do you have like a daily practice Just like I'm kind of in closing as we wrap up, what things do you do to utilize like every day like tools or Well, for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2:

I start with quiet time, bible study, reading, prayer, meditation, journaling. I get the exercise out of the way, get it done, because if I don't, I won't do it. And then I just look for ways to serve. I have an online community called Spirit Led Sobriety on Facebook. I look for ways to serve and encourage other people and I volunteer at church. And I read a lot. I just keep busy. I read a lot, I just keep busy. You know, if you don't fill your mind with the things above, satan is really good about inputting little things to bother you and get you off track. But what's so nice is I don't even think anymore A drink would be nice. The thought doesn't even happen. It doesn't even occur to me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so so you mentioned your community. Where do you like people to reach out and find you if they want to learn more or be a part of it?

Speaker 2:

well, I have a newsletter, spiritledsobrietycom. Um. I'm on instagram at spirit led sobriety, the number two. Two, then Facebook. It's a private Facebook community called Spirit-Led Sobriety. Here's what I wanted to say. Here's so interesting Last year my church offered small groups for the season, the fall season. I told them about my journey, my book, spirit-led Sobriety, and I wanted to have a small group on addiction. They said great, so I opened it up. Nobody joined, not one person. But here's what's so funny this fall, this past fall, there's two groups on addiction.

Speaker 1:

Oh, wow.

Speaker 2:

So I think they were so glad. They said you know, it took your courage even though nobody signed up last year. That just shows the shame. It took your courage even though nobody signed up last year. That just shows the shame. But now you have a group for addicts and then the families of addicts. That would have never happened if you hadn't stepped forward. So you've got to just get over the shame. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You know what. We're doing the best we can with what we have at the time. That's so right, and there's hope. You have hope the time. That's so right, and there's hope you have.

Speaker 1:

hope, man Gosh. So if this is a struggle for you, for sure I would encourage everybody to find the resources for you, whether it's through 12-step program, whether it's through, you know, find a great therapist. I recommend doing neurologically-based forms of treatment like EMDR and neurofeedback. They are phenomenal. Find good, sound mentors. You know people who are where you want to be, who have what you have, and begin to make relationships with them. You know, find a connection with a higher power, whether you choose to call them God or not, but just start to make an attempt and feel what it feels like to connect with something outside of yourself a little bit more, and it's like you're new to that kind of a walk and just don't give up.

Speaker 2:

Do not give up. I refuse to let you give up. Send me an email Spiritlesssobrietyatgmailcom. I FaceTime with people all the time. I don't know them. They don't. Somebody needs help. They reach out to me. I am not going to turn somebody down.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I just for your time, for your thank you. It's been fun. Yeah, I'll make sure I link to all of those contacts in the show notes below and make sure everybody goes and buys her book spirit led sobriety and joins our group and just continues to grow on this, in this walk.

Speaker 1:

It's just a beautiful beautiful thing, so I think it's so worth it. Thank you so much, shelby. Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Confident Sober Women. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit the subscribe button above so you won't miss any upcoming episodes. And, hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review. You can learn more about the Sober Freedom Inner Circle membership at wwwshelbyjohncoachingcom. Forward slash inner circle. See you next time.