Confident Sober Women

Get Unstuck: Brain Training For Healing After Sobriety

• Shelby • Episode 218

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You’ve been sober for a while now, maybe a year, maybe several, but emotionally, mentally, even physically, you still don’t quite feel like yourself.

You’ve done the therapy. You’ve worked the steps. You know all the tools. And yet…

  •   You still feel anxious or overwhelmed 
  •   You can’t sleep or wake up exhausted 
  •   You overthink everything or spiral into negative thought loops 
  •   You wonder why you’re sober but still don’t feel free

If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you.

In today’s solo episode of the Confident Sober Women podcast, I’m diving into why your brain can still feel stuck—even years into recovery—and what you can do about it. As a licensed therapist specializing in trauma and addiction, and a woman with over 20 years in sobriety myself, I’ve seen this pattern again and again in the women I work with.

Here’s the truth: Emotional sobriety requires brain-based healing.

We talk about:
 🔹 What’s really going on in your brain and nervous system after long-term substance use
 🔹 Why talk therapy isn’t always enough to heal trauma or negative patterns
 🔹 How unresolved brain imprints from stress, trauma, and addiction affect you years later
 🔹 Why you might still struggle with anxiety, low mood, poor sleep, or reactivity

I also introduce a powerful tool I use in my practice, remote neurofeedback, that helps retrain the brain to function in healthier, more balanced ways.

Neurofeedback is a practical, science-backed, non-invasive solution that works from the comfort of your own home. It supports healing from the inside out, especially for sober women struggling with:

💡 Persistent anxiety or perfectionism
💤 Sleep and focus issues
💔 Emotional reactivity or burnout
💪 High-functioning but still not feeling well

Plus, I share 3 things you can start doing today to begin regulating your nervous system and supporting your emotional sobriety—whether you’re ready for neurofeedback or not.

If you're ready to go deeper in your recovery, this episode will offer insight, hope, and practical support to help you move forward.✨ 

Learn more about remote neurofeedback therapy: www.shelbyjohn.com/neurofeedback

Ready to schedule a consultation or learn if neurofeedback is right for you?

Book your free call here: https://calendly.com/shelbyjohn/podcast-recording

Know a sober woman who needs to hear this?
Share the episode or tag me on IG @shelbyjjohn

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Oh, and by the way, if you didn’t know, my remote Neurofeedback Therapy program is up and running. Learn more here!

If you aren't part of the Confident Sober Women Facebook group, it's a great place to be. There are over a thousand other sober women there building lives they don't want to escape from. Come on over and join us.

And if you haven't read my memoir, grab a copy today and maybe a second one for a friend. There is so much hope in recovery, and I shared my story so raw and vulnerable so that others would know they aren't alone and that there is a way to live well, manage relationships, parent your kids, and have a healthy body, all while staying sober. Grab a copy of Recovering in Recovery: The Life-Changing Joy of Sobriety wherever books are sold.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to the Confident Sober Women podcast. I'm your guide, shelby John. I'm the mother of three, wife to one and sober since July 1st 2002. As sober women, we have something huge in common and when we share our lives and our stories with each other, we feel that sense of belonging and connection. So we know we are no longer alone. In this podcast you will hear real life talk about building confidence and transforming your life beyond recovery so come on, let's talk. And recovery so come on, let's talk.

Speaker 1:

Well, hey there, sober ladies, thank you so much for joining me today for the Confident Sober Women podcast. I am so excited you are here today and I want to talk to you today about why your brain still feels stuck, even after years of sobriety. So in today's episode, for those of you who have been sober for a while, maybe even years, but you still feel stuck, I know in the past 23 years I have for sure felt that way and there've been a lot of personal times in our family or within myself when I felt stuck. I felt like I didn't intuitively know what to do and I felt frustrated because I have done a lot of work in the past two decades. There's also been times in business when I felt like I was giving it my all, I was following all the directions, I was getting good counsel, yet I wasn't moving the needle. There was no progress. I felt stunted. Really, I was stuck. So maybe you can relate to this. Maybe you've done the work. Maybe you've worked a 12-step program and gone to a million meetings. You've probably gone to therapy, faced your past trauma. Maybe you've even worked some of the steps or helped others. Really, on paper, you're doing great, but in your body and in your mind, in those private moments in the shower or crying in your car, you're still feeling off, you're still anxious, you're still overwhelmed or irritable, you're still struggling to fall asleep or to quiet your thoughts enough to even feel calm. You know enough now to realize that your nervous system is extremely overactive. If that's you, I want you to hear me say this you are not broken. I actually cannot stand that phrase and it's used so often because, honestly, really, what we are are human beings trying to live in a broken world, but your brain may need some help catching up to your sobriety. So that's what I want to talk to you about today why that happens and what you can actually do about it.

Speaker 1:

So let's dive into talking about the brain in recovery. When we stop drinking or using our bodies, begin to heal, that's the first thing that really happens. Our liver regenerates and some of these things you can actually see. Your skin starts to clear up your hair and nails. They grow, they look healthy, you lose inflammation, maybe your face doesn't look as puffy anymore. You can also start to feel it, so we sleep better, although sometimes this takes a little bit. But eventually we start to feel better physically, maybe even lose a little weight, or you just feel more energy. But often your brain especially if you've had trauma involved, which, let's face it, all of us do if you've been a human in this world, it takes a longer journey.

Speaker 1:

So many of us in long-term recovery are still carrying around the effects of early life experiences, toxic stress and trauma. So even if you've been sober for years, your nervous system may still be stuck in those patterns of survival that looks like fight, flight, freeze or fawn. And you know this because the patterns show up as overreacting emotionally, having trouble focusing, constant anxiety or mental chatter, feeling low, numb or unmotivated, having difficulty sleeping or waking up, exhausted, maybe even repeating those negative thought loops like I'm not enough or I should be doing more, or I'll never get it right. Does any of this sound familiar? But this is also why traditional tools sometimes aren't enough. So here's the thing we can talk about our problems for years and that can absolutely help us. We do all need trusted people in our lives that we can share things with, and feel, seen and heard and even process through situations and decision making. But sometimes our patterns aren't cognitive, they're neurological. They're hardwired into our brain's circuitry from years of stress and substance abuse and traumatic events and all kinds of things.

Speaker 1:

This is where I start to get really excited. I start to really light up, because this is the exact kind of stuff I work on in my private practice with clients using EMDR therapy, and it's also what I offer to anybody who wants to use it with the remote neurofeedback therapy program. So neurofeedback is like going to the gym for your brain. It's literally brain training. You're training the muscle of your brain, but instead of lifting weights, you are giving your brain information about its own activity so it can learn to regulate itself better all by itself. I know this sounds crazy, but with neurofeedback therapy you can stop those old loops and you can begin to retrain your brain to sleep more deeply, to think more clearly, to react more calmly, to feel more emotionally balanced and even increase your energy and boost performance.

Speaker 1:

So what even is neurofeedback therapy? It's a non-invasive, drug-free, practical tool that you can do literally from home. No, really, for real. You can do it from your couch, from your back porch, even your bed, and it's literally done on your time. I know right, it's kind of crazy to believe that. So here's how it works you wear a tiny brain sensing headband. It goes across your forehead and then over the tops of your ears and there are electrodes in the headband, and then a tiny one attached to the headband that goes on your scalp, and then we pair that device with a simple app on your phone using Bluetooth connection, and then the system tracks your brainwave activity and gently helps your brain learn to shift into more optimal patterns, all on its own.

Speaker 1:

Neurofeedback therapy uses the concept of operant conditioning. You might remember this from learning in school about Pavlov's dogs and over time the training leads to real, lasting changes in how you think, feel and function. And you want to know the best part. It doesn't require you to rehash trauma, to talk endlessly about your past or even leave your home for appointments. And for a lot of clients, especially my high achieving sober women, this is a game changer. So here's what you can start doing today. You can jump right into neurofeedback therapy with me. Of course, we can schedule a consult call. I'll tell you more about it in detail. You can ask me all of your questions. You can go right to my website, shelbyjohncom, and you can learn about neurofeedback therapy and you can book a consult call for free. But while you're waiting to get started with remote neurofeedback therapy, I wanted to give you three simple brain-based steps that you can take right now to start helping your nervous system regulate. So I want you to grab a pen and paper or, if you're driving, don't do that. Maybe you can bookmark this episode and come back to it when you can jot these down. But here are three simple brain-based steps that you can take right now while you're waiting to get started with neurofeedback therapy.

Speaker 1:

So number one get serious about daily stillness. I literally want you to just use five minutes a day. If you're new to this, that's great. If you're a seasoned veteran at meditation or stillness, you can go for longer. If you're new, I want you to utilize your timer on your phone and set your timer for five minutes and just sit quietly. You can put one hand on your chest, one on your belly. You can practice some breath work by breathing in for a four, count holding for four and then slowly breathing out for eight. You can do this before bed. You can do it in the morning before your coffee. You can do it when you feel anxious. You can do it privately. It's really really helpful to regulate your nervous system, literally. Five minutes.

Speaker 1:

Number two limit your mental inputs. This one, admittedly, is hard for me. Your brain does not need stimulation all the time, it needs less. So I want you to try to cut back on multitasking, cut back on your scrolling and on background noise. Again, for those of us who have ADHD or have sort of a more high, strong personality, this can be challenging, but it is an intentional decision option for you to reduce the mental inputs in your life and creates rest and productivity over time.

Speaker 1:

Number three is to track your patterns with compassion. So what do I mean by that? Instead of judging your anxiety or your negative thoughts, I want you to start noticing them, just taking note of that. Oh, there's that perfectionism again. Or oh, yeah, my body does feel a little jittery right now. I can feel that anxiety. Building this awareness allows you to name the thing that is happening, to notice how your body is feeling, and then also begins you to shift things. So it's a simple activity of not judging you or what's happening in your body, beginning to notice your anxiety or your negative thoughts or what's going on in your body and just letting them be Okay. So those three things you can start doing right now while you're waiting to start your nerve feedback therapy, and I just know that you're going to start to get a lot of relief for your nervous system.

Speaker 1:

So if you're a woman who's made the decision to stop drinking and drugging, to make your health and your life a priority, you deserve to feel good. Right, those are big deals. When you stay sober, it is a gigantic deal, especially in a world that is obsessed with drinking, but your recovery is so much more than not drinking right, it's about reclaiming your full aliveness, and that includes your mental clarity, your inner peace, your energy, your creativity and your confidence. So if you've been wondering why am I feeling this way, I want you to know it's not your fault. It's not because you're not doing enough, for sure. It's because your brain needs more healing and new tools to do that, and often the research is now showing us that this takes a way longer time than any of us give it credit for.

Speaker 1:

So if you're ready to explore that remote neurofeedback therapy, I'd love to tell you more about it and how it can work for you to heal your symptoms and to train your brain the way you want it. You can go right to that website, shelbyjohncom. You can click on the services tab and then the neurofeedback tab, and there's a lot of information right there. You can read all about it and from there you can download the is neurofeedback therapy right for you guide. It's just a free PDF that helps you understand neurofeedback a little bit more, and you can book that free consult call so we can talk a little bit more about it. Neurofeedback therapy truly is a therapeutic breakthrough that really can help you get the results that you've been searching for.

Speaker 1:

So I want to thank you so much for being here with me today and oh, by the way, if you know somebody that could really benefit from this episode, I want you to share it. Now you can easily go to the platform wherever you're listening to. There should be like three dots or settings or a menu where you can say share episode and just copy the link or share it right directly to a friend who really needs to hear this information. I'd also love to hear from you about what you think, so you can drop me a DM or an email and share your thoughts about what you've learned today. I want you to remember your brain can heal, you can feel better and you don't have to do it alone. I hope you have a fantastic day and I'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me for this week's episode of Confident Sober Women. If you enjoyed this conversation, hit the subscribe button above so you won't miss any upcoming episodes. And hey, if you really loved it, leave me a review. You can learn more about the Sober Freedom Inner Circle membership at wwwshelbyjohncoachingcom. Forward slash inner circle. See you next time.